happy new year yay hooray

I usually do The Week of Reflection between Christmas and New Year's, a favorite stretch of time for me, but this year I just wasn't up for it. I spent most of December so depressed I could barely get out of bed. (Remember when I said I was going to clean up the studio? LOL ALL DAY that did not happen)

Depression is familiar to me, but it's been many years since I suffered a major bout. I think it was triggered by the loss of my cat Noodle, which brought on reflection which turned into ruminating. Noodle was 18 years old. I looked back on her life with us, and I remembered my life when I found her, and things have improved for me in 18 years, but not all that much. Many things have gotten harder. 

Some of my drear arises from the state of the country. I have always wanted clay to be an arena where we can just be neighbors and see the good in each other, so I try to be minimally political here, but no reasonable person can say things are going well for American democracy. There are many people far more painfully affected than I am, so I have no right to personally complain, but it grieves me to see suffering & injustice & to be able to do so little to help. I do what I can, but we have collectively failed so many people; we aren't going to get those lives back. This weighs on me. 

In my individual life, nothing major has changed, but I did have a sort of epiphany: things are not going to get easier. Things are never going to get easier. I think I always subconsciously believed that someday, if I worked hard, I would reach a point where I wasn't struggling financially, when there would be enough time to relax, but guess what? I did the math, and there is no relief in sight. While I never intend to retire from making pots - not until I am physically unable - I thought I would be able to dial back on my classes, because while I enjoy teaching, it's mentally very taxing on me, and starting to be physically hard, too. I thought I'd be able to cut down to 2 or 3 classes a week somewhere between 62 & 65, but that is just not going to be possible; I'm going to have to teach 6 classes a week until I'm 70. I'm so tired now, at 61, that I can't imagine how I'm going to feel nine years from now. 

I guess the big change happened in 2024, although I did not recognize it at the time. Doug's health has grown more frail, and he is unfortunately in the difficult space between too disabled to work but not quite disabled enough to collect disability. He can take care of himself - there's no physical burden on me - but I have to carry the whole household financially. I am grateful that I am able to do that (barely) but it doesn't leave time for much else. 

My efforts to create an income stream in less physically demanding ways have not been very successful, which leads me to spiral that I am just mid at everything I try. (Except making pots, which pays me like $7/hr, or teaching pottery, which I love but which exhausts me.) I suck & I deserve to fail. That's my shitty brain chemistry talking, I know, but since my brain is where I live it feels very real. 

Today is the first day in a long time that I've been able to get up out of bed without a specific reason to do so. Hoping hard that it is a sign of better things on the horizon. Is now a good time to say, Happy New Year?

Thanks for reading this far. Sorry to be a bummer, hopefully the next time I post things will be better. 

I love you and miss you, Noodle. 

Many Thanks

One of the items on my 25 for 2025 list is the practice of gratitude, which has been shown to increase happiness, strengthen relationships, and generally promote well-being. I have a lot for which to be grateful, including all of you.
So, thank you! Thank you to everyone who reads this blog; to everyone who ever bought an item from me, who subscribes - free or paid - to my Patreon, who ever liked or shared a post of mine all social media. All of you have had a hand in making it possible for me to do my work, and for that I am grateful. 
Here's hoping we all have a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2025. There will be challenges, there will be stumbles, there will be tribulations and celebrations. Let us remain in community, lift each other up, remember to it's ok to accept help during this next trip around the sun. 
Happy New Year from all of us (err, me) at Fine Mess Pottery! 

25 for 2025

 

The first year I did an "XX for 20XX" list was 2019. That list was easy to make, and I felt it made a difference in clarifying my goals for that year. Did I achieve every item on the list? I think you know the answer to that! But I find even partially completed New Year's resolutions get me closer to my goals. You have to know what your goals are to achieve them. 

The subsequent lists have been harder, in part because I took care of the low-hanging fruit the first year. As the numbers went up, the list got harder! Until this year. For some reason, this year the list practically made itself! I had to edit it to keep to 25. Some are tiny. Some are so big they will require their own plan. I x'd out some of the specific financial stuff, since that seems too private to share.
The items in bold are the ones which require a detailed plan; I'm working on those today & tomorrow. 

25 for 2025

• 1.      5 Postcards to Voters a month
• 2.      Birthday & anniversary adventures
• 3.      25+ hours in the studio every week
• 4.      Two new accounts – see list!
• 5.      Daily gratitude
• 6.      Wednesdays with Mom once a month
• 7.      Pedal 6+ miles a day
• 8.      Get dressed *immediately* after finishing workout
• 9.      Increase savings by $xxxx
• 10.   Blog post per week
• 11.  Double Patreon subscribers
• 12.  Double online sales
• 13.   Average 15 grams of fiber per day
• 14.   Stay within my calorie goal 90% of the time
• 15.   Pack lunch 1x week
• 16.   One date with Doug per week
• 17.   Eat only when hungry
• 18.   Fruit or vegetables every meal
• 19.   Meditation 2 mins/day
• 20.   Two social things per month
• 21.   Two outdoor adventures/month
• 22.  Buy less stuff & buy more mindfully 
• 23.  Find time to see the people I miss
• 24.   Floss daily
• 25.   Renew my library card
• 26.   Pick one household project to finish in 2025

The Week of Reflection 2024

It's time once again for my annual ritual: The Week of Reflection! Every year during the week between Christmas & New Year's, when I don't have classes, no one is waiting for ware, and most of the holiday fuss has died down, I take advantage of my down time to review the year, think about what worked & what didn't, what challenges might arise, and make a plan for the new year. 

A key element is the X for X list; this year, it's 25 for 2025, a list of habits, goals, or changes for the upcoming year. That list will be its own post! 

So, without further ado, let the Week of Reflection commence.

I keep these reflections mostly to personal & professional thoughts. (I have lots of thoughts about the wider world! I use different platforms for those.) The bumps in my road are pretty much like most people's: I wish I had more time. I wish I had more money. I want to maintain my physical health as much as possible. I want my friendship & familial relationships to thrive. 

The past year (two years, really) have seen my business do pretty well! "Pretty well," for me, would probably be "barely surviving" for most Americans, but I'm practiced at the art of frugality & actually need very little to be happy & comfortable. Like nearly everyone, my life would be a little easier with a little more money, specifically to put into savings. I don't know about you, but I am not getting any younger, and while I will make pottery for as long as I am physically able, one day I will need to retire. Becoming better prepared for that day is at the heart of my financial goals for next year. 

The other three - time, health, relationships - are sort of all the same challenge: using my time efficiently enough to give each of those the attention they deserve. Some the goals on my list will be things I want to happen to achieve this; some will be habits I want to form or continue to use my time better. If I see an affordable device that can help, that might be on the list too! I'm a big fan of automation for tedious tasks, and have employed a small robot army for a few years now. Two vacuums, a mop, a cat feeder, and several more conventional robots like the dishwasher & washing machine have freed up time for me. If you know of other household robots, I'd love to hear about them! (Except litterboxes - I keep a close eye on automated litterboxes & so far they are all pretty terrible.)  

Although if I'm honest, it's as much a discipline challenge as a time problem. I put it down to ADHD, but sometimes it's hard for me to start a task even if it's something I know I want to do! Even if it's something I enjoy! Building habits, enlisting buddies, & building in dopamine rewards have all been useful strategies to get around this, and those strategies need to be refreshed. 

Here's wishing for a successful 2025 for all of us! More time, more health, more love & laughs & connection. Thank you for being here & following my journey. 

Opportunities & Ruminations

I spent the last post kind of ruminating on whether I want to keep pushing so hard to sell more pots, so I can spend more time in the studio, or whether it would be better to just stand in the place where I am, enjoy having, not lots of money, but enough, & a little time to do other fun things like hiking & kayaking. (Yes, I hike in the winter. In Maine. Yes, it is cold & yes, it is fun!) 

But, as nice as all that sounds, I feel like I want to take one more run at the Big Push. I want 2023 to be a year of grabbing opportunities. I feel like, for, well, reasons, I've spent a couple years just doing what it takes to get through each day, each week, & not really thinking strategically or pursuing any goal beyond that. I'd like to get back to more planning, more willful directing of how my life goes. I've been coasting, not in the sense of not working hard (seriously: LOL) but in the sense of just relying on the efforts I've made in the past, opportunities I have pursued in the past, to hold up my sky. 

And don't get me wrong! Coasting is great! But it's time to get back to steering this boat, finding, pursuing, and creating opportunities. Here are a few that are on my radar:

Opportunities

Maine Made dot com
Art Fairs
Downeast Shop
Center for Maine Craft

• Gardiner
• Portland

Patreon - clay videos? 

So, yeah, I guess I am back to what was my New Year's resolution for many years: try harder. 

The Year of Starting Over

For the last few years - since about 2016, honestly, when it felt to me like the world started to go insane - I have posted less, & not just that, I have worked less. Or, no, that's not right, because I have taken on more classes, but I have spent less time in the studio. I want to change that. I have so many ideas of things that I could do or should do, but somehow I never seem to get around to doing them. 

I guess that's what I want to look at for 2023: is it just that there are not enough hours in the day? Or am I spending time doing unproductive things, & I could reclaim that time? Or am I just older & don't have the energy I once had. These are some things I want to use the next few days to think about, as I start setting my intentions for the New Year.

Most of 2023 will be the Year of the Rabbit, a sign of peace & prosperity. I could really use some peace & prosperity! That's what my resolutions are all about this year. 

23 for 2023 is a list of habits I want to change or acquire, experiences I want to incorporate, things I want to accomplish, & maybe some things I want to pare down. I'm still working on my 23 for 2023 list, but I think I can divide it into 4 categories: Better (make better stuff); More (make more & sell more); Happier; & Healthier. 

Maybe you want to play along! If you are creating your own list of 23 for 2023, post the link here! 

 

Looking Ahead

Ceramics is a funny medium, from a sales point of view. By now - mid-December - it's way past too late to make things for the holiday shopping season. I've shuttered the online shop for the season - I'm not confident I could get items shipped in time, & anyway most of the pots are in stores or pop-up shops. 

So, for me, I'm in year-end mode already. New Year's Resolution mode. Long time readers know I love New Year's resolutions, although the last few years have made those more challenging to keep. 

I will make them again, of course! My feeling is that even if they don't completely work, a couple of months of improved habits is better than none. And sometimes they do work! I'm not a "stop trying" kind of person. 
Although lately - for months now, actually - I have sorta lost my work mojo. That's been evident in the thin offerings here. Is it because I am teaching more classes? Doing more outdoor recreational activities? Because my mother, almost 90, needs more of my time than she used to? Maybe! There are, after all, only so many hours in the week. But I still spend plenty of time reading books I've already read, streaming mediocre shows, or mindlessly scrolling social media. Maybe I am just older & more easily tired, but I would love to get back the level of energy & enthusiasm I had for all sorts of creative pursuits back in about 2015, before the world went insane. 

So, watch for my 23 for 2023! As you might guess, it will include more posts here & more time in the studio. Start brewing up yours, & share them with me! 

6 thru 10...oh wait, no

Six thru ten on my list of 22 for 2022 are things experiences I want to have in the New Year! Some of this will depend on what happens with the pandemic - obviously if we go into hard lockdown that's going to affect what I am able to do. Also, some of these cost a bit; if the pandemic screws with my income much at all, they are gonna be Not In The Budget. 

Things I want to do:

6. Ziplining! This looks like a world of fun. 

7. A White Mountains hike For me that would mean renting a cabin for a couple of days, because driving for hours on both ends of a strenuous hike sucks the fun right out of it.  

8.  The Black Rose Pandemic permitting of course! I have been there once before, & the patrons sung along with the Irish band. I have two friends who - 

You know what? All of these things, everything I can think of for this list, costs either time or money or both, and I never have enough of either. If I did, I would have done these things already! I think I need to put this list on hold. There's a different list - two in fact - I need to make first. 

brb 

Resolution: Normal

 

I've been working on my 21 for 2021 list, because that worked so well in 2019, but honestly having trouble coming up with goals! Maybe because all I really want for 2021 is to have a normal year. I don't really care about the "upward" part of "Onward and upward." Mostly I want to have a year in which I make pots, teach classes, see my friends and family, pet my cats, and nobody gets sick. (There are a lot of things I want for the world, too, and while I will do my bit -have been, for years - those are largely out of my control.) 

With that in mind, many of the goals on my list are quite modest. I want to continue to use my Fitdesk 100 miles a week, to write 5 or more postcards to voters every month, to add a fruit or vegetable every meal. In 2019 one of the goals deeply-introverted me set was to do one social thing a month (outside of family), but while I think that was a good idea & helped me strengthen friendships, I probably can't commit to that in the New Year. I don't know when I will be getting the vaccine. 

One of the more ambitious goals on my list is to get my last credit card balance paid off next year. I've been struggling with that debt for idk, like 20 years, and I think I can finally slay that dragon. "Get house painted" is also a big one. (If I can get a painter to return my phone calls, that is!) I've also got continuations of traditions like birthday and anniversary adventures, and a canoe trip - an once-event that has rather fallen by the wayside. 

Those are all personal & household - I also have some professional ones that I'll write about later. 2021 is gonna be all about doable goals. 

The Week of Reflection 2020

We've almost made it, out the other side of this difficult year. The Week of Reflection has arrived. 

My annual tradition is to use the super-chill week between Christmas and New Year's to assess what worked & what didn't in the old year, and set some intentions for the new. Assessing 2020 is a little different, of course, because what counts as a win - still alive! roof over our heads! income more or less intact! - would be the bare minimum any other year. I can't even take credit for any of those things; it feels like it was just a matter of luck that we didn't get sick, or that the studio where I teach did not have an outbreak. 

Nevertheless! 2020 was not just a pandemic shitshow. I learned some things! In the early months, I learned how to snowshoe, or rather, I learned that I love to snowshoe, since there's not much to learn: it's more or less just walking, with snowshoes strapped on  your feet. I learned how to make royal icing, and to decorate with it; I learned how to roast garlic. Not to be too treacly, but Doug & I learned that we really don't get tired of each other's company! The four months of shutdown went pretty smoothly for us, aside from the natural anxiety of the situation. Maybe because we each have a space - studio & office - to retreat to and to call our own. 

I plan to spend this week thinking about what I would like 2021 to look like, keeping in mind there may be large factors out of my control. 

The Week of Reflection is Upon Us!

I love the week between Christmas and New Years'. All the shows are done, all the carols are sung and the Yule logs burned; all the cookies are frosted, the stockings stuffed with care and then unstuffed with abandon.

Not that I do any of that stuff. A Christmas of quiet contemplation is more my style. I am called upon to go to several gatherings, which I can usually just about manage, with some recharge time in between.

But this week! This is the week of no parties, no shopping or wrapping, no special-occasion foods to assemble; and for me, no classes to teach, no firings scheduled, no orders due. (No money*, either, as I have yet to get paid for holiday sales, but that's no problem: I am living on Hannaford & Dunkin Donuts gift cards this week!) Nor yet any Maine Pottery Tour stuff to do, which will start in January. This is the Week of Reflection, during which I consider the past year - what worked, what didn't, what I learned - and make a plan for the next.

Ah, 2019! The year of the cleaning robots and the Fitdesk, all rather extravagant purchases for a poor potter, and all well worth the cost. In the past I sometimes found myself falling down an internet hole, a tremendous waste of time. Some people would fight this tendency head on, perhaps even successfully! Me, I take more of a jujitsu approach: go with the flow. That's where the Fitdesk comes in. If my computer is always on the desk of this stationary bike, then even if I fall into an internet hole, the time is not wasted - I get my workout in. (Example: I have pedaled 9 miles this morning, having my coffee, reading the news, and writing this post!) This has done wonders for my heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure. It's also much harder to fall down an internet hole, as my legs let me know when I've been at it too long. Win-win!

The robots solve a different problem, by way of going around it. I am by no means a neat freak, but I am tidy: neat but not a freak, I like to say. Doug, not so much. It would not be an exaggeration to say he's an utter slob. I don't plan to do that tiresome thing of bitching about my spouse to people who don't even know him - and anyone who does know him, knows how great he is: he's smart and fun and funny, and possessed of an intellectual curiosity as big as the sky. He laughs at my jokes! He loves to try new things! And he has never cleaned anything on his own initiative in his life. We could fight about this, and in fact, we have fought about it, with me arguing that cleaning up is just part of being a grown up, and him saying he shouldn't have to spend his time cleaning to my standards, and I knew he was a slob before we married. (The kicker here is that we are both right.) The robots - a Roomba vacuum and a Braava mop - don't address the disparity, but they do allow the house to be clean enough not to be a distraction to me, without me either doing all the work myself, or nagging him into doing it. Win-win!

What I learned: sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something, is with money.

There's lots more reflection & looking ahead to do this week. I am working on an outline of my making cycle, to help me plan better in 2020; I also need to think about new outlets I would like to approach. Stick with me, and if you are doing some reflection yourself this week, share those links in the comments.


*If you want to help with that, you could buy me a coffee or leave me a tip or maybe buy a tshirt!  But honestly I know no one reading this has much money to spare, either, so no worries if it's not in the cards right now. 😉

The Notebook

Great movie, right? But that's not the one I'm talking about.

I keep a notebook with me at every art fair, to jot down ideas to improve the display, or note what's selling, or sketch pieces I want to make when I get back in the studio, or just keep my mind occupied during the slow times. I believe boredom has its own sinkhole energy that people can smell or feel, and that they will stay out of any booth exuding it. Yes, I know this is absurd! Sitting during a dead spell at an art fair does strange things to your mind. Also, it's true, absurd or not.

But I digress.

The point was, I was reading over these notes, and I see a pattern over the last year: at every event, I noted that people were buying small items - under $20 or $30. In some cases, like the Common Ground Fair, which is an enormous event involving a LOT of walking around, this seemed to explain itself. But the Portland Fine Craft Show? The Holiday Pottery Shop? That is new or far more pronounced this year than other years.

Although I am not an economist ( I don't even play one on TV!) I can think of some reasons for this, such as the shadow of an impending economic slump. For the purposes of this blog, the reasons for that don't matter (because I'm not an economist! I might have some ideas but seriously, wtf do I know?) What matters is my response. If I know smaller things have been selling, I should expand my offerings of smaller things.

So, my job for today: think of some items (that I will like making! that still matters) that I can make & sell for under $20. Buttons, Christmas ornaments, press-molded soap dishes...stuff like that. What are your small-ticket items?

Be It Resolved 2019

New Year's Resolutions are awesome! Don't let anybody tell you different. They get a bad rap, because people make unrealistic resolutions, or focus on the end result rather than the behavioral changes or the necessary steps. I always make resolutions - some more successful than others, but choosing them is fun, and trying to keep them is also fun! It's kind of like gamifying my life. So, without further ado, my resolutions for 2019:

Personal:

• The first one's easy: pedal 100 miles per week on the FitDesk. It's easy because I am already doing that, without even thinking about it. It's good to have an easy one to set me up for success. 
• The second is harder, but more fun: I didn't see nearly enough of friends last year. Social things tend to fall to the wayside without a concrete plan to make them happen. So, here's the plan: one social event per month. Movies with Cheryl & Sarah, drinks with Deb, something artsy or athletic with Helen, literally anything at all with MF...these are all things I want to do, and I mean to do, but without a plan they just don't happen. Now they will.
• I used to have a tradition of learning one new specific skill every year. Nothing profound - one year I learned to make cheesecake, another year I learned to ski (not very well!!) The year I tried to learn to juggle blew a big hole in my streak, but I've decided to revive it: this year I am going to learn to felt soap. I'm told it's super easy, and there's nothing wrong with choosing something easy! We don't want another juggling debacle. 

Professional: 

• More studio time! I sat down with my schedule this week, trying to plan out production & firing...and MAN! No wonder it feels like I never have enough studio time! I just...really don't have enough time for all the stuff I have to do. I am hoping the FitDesk will help - don't have to find time to work out any more - as will Mobot. But to get enough studio time, I'm still going to have to de-prioritize something else. I'm still cogitating on this one - what can go without making me some version of crazy? 
• Contained in the above paragraph is part of the solution: make a schedule & stick to it. It's harder to go down a rabbit hole of household projects if it says right on the schedule that I am supposed to be in the studio right now. 
• I need to get better at assessing opportunities - so many times I have a show or sale that I know would have gone better if I had brought the right inventory. Example: the Common Ground Fair. Now, I did well at that fair, but I would have done better if I'd had more small items, and looking back, that was entirely predictable - it's actually an agricultural fair (that doesn't do it justice, but the point is, it isn't primarily an art fair) and it's HUGE, and the parking is sometimes miles away - so unsurprisingly, people don't want to carry big serving bowls around. Often you can make a good guess as to what will sell; I just need to make a more deliberate effort to do that. 

Many of my resolutions seem to come down to "I will work harder!" like Boxer from Animal Farm. Story of a potter's life, right? Nevertheless, I wish you all the best in this year of 2019. 

Dear 2018

Speaking of reflections, check out this Sun Dog! It's a reflection of sunlight on ice crystals in the air. 

Longtime readers know that the week between Christmas and New Years' is my favorite of the year. (Well. Except possibly the Wigwam Weekend! and all the other days that the air outside doesn't hurt my face.) I love that all the holiday hulabaloo is done, but it doesn't yet feel like we've returned to routine. I use these days to reflect on the past year and think about the next. I am a big fan of New Year's resolutions, on the grounds that even a partially kept resolution typically has a more salubrious effect than none at all, but I don't make them lightly. This week gives me time to think about what I could do better or more or differently, to being my life - and, increasingly, my world - closer to ideal.

This year's Week of Reflection opened with a Sun Dog: bright spots of light flanking the sun as the light bounces off ice crystals in the atmosphere. (No, I didn't take the photo; that's a sun dog that appeared over Chicago a few years ago.) It seemed fitting.

I learned a lot in 2017, actually, but the big takeaway is to focus my energy. Boiling it down, in the personal realm:

• I  can only do what I can do, and I can't do more than that. I also learned that what I can do - what all of us can do - is more than we think!  
• I hate this one but...I learned to walk away from some people - even if I feel that at heart they are good people. I hate it because it feels like giving up, but people have to make their own choices. It's arrogant of me to think I can change a mind that's determined not to change. 
• As a direct result, I grew closer to the people who nourish my joy, and I hope that I do the same for them. I want to use my emotional energy lifting people up. 

Professionally, I had the same big takeaway: FOCUS. I make pots. I make & sell soap. I teach classes. I do workshops. I sell wholesale, at shows, and consignment. This is a lot of spreading my energy around! It's time to pare down a bit.

I 💓 teaching my classes. Some days I honestly can't believe my luck that someone would pay me to hang out with fun people and do fun creative projects and talk about my favorite subject. It also lends some stability to our household income; with Doug & I both being self employed, it can get a little chaotic because payday is just "whenever the checks arrive." So teaching stays.

Obviously I'll be making pots! and also selling pots. I am finding that shows fit my work style very well: I work better (or at least more!) when I am aiming for a specific event. I'll keep my existing wholesale accounts, and maybe pick a couple more, but I think I will be ending my consignment relationships. They are a lot of work for a small trickle of money, and more than the work, they keep a bunch of inventory tied up collecting dust while waiting to sell. Better to have the pots on hand to fill an art fair display or provide work when a wholesale account needs it.

Soap. Ah, soap. For sure I will keep making soap, and for sure I will sell what I make, but I've decided that soap will remain a hobby. I have a daydream of a line - Sweet Life Bath & Body - and maybe even a store in downtown Augusta. But there are only so many hours in a day and a week and a year, and I can't do both this and be a potter. Upside: this frees me to make whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like it, and not try to design a line or produce consistently, or market the line, or mess around with the perfect packaging. Just lye and fat, doin' their thing.

I'll be cutting back on workshops, offering only the two I am already committed to in 2018. Because I dread the very thought of failing or being unprepared in front of an audience, I spend so much time on preparation for workshops that the otherwise-reasonable amount I am paid for the ends up not covering my time.

Happy New Year, dear readers! Here's hoping in 2018 you spend time with the people you love and doing things that bring you joy.

Okay, So...About Those Resolutions

I had a weird 2016. Well: we all did. But my personal 2016 was a weirdly passive year for me. I found it hard to get into the studio, to make soap, to write this blog, to do anything creative, really. The push to be ready for my presentation at NCECA got me through March and then...I... dragged. My production slowed to a crawl, and I was not even firing every two months. When it became clear I was not going to be able to will myself out of it, I took on more classes, because even when I am willing to let myself down, I rarely fail to meet obligations I have made. It seemed a better choice than just re-reading old books and worrying.

I made enough to fill orders, and to keep my consignment locations full, but my website has read "Out of Stock" for months now, and I haven't been refreshing the inventory in stores.

I didn't have a word for this feeling until recently, when I was poking around pottery blogs, and found a series fellow artist Whitney Smith had done on burnout. It all sounded very familiar. I had just been pushing so hard for so long in so many different directions, and feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere. It was all too much. Or not enough. Everything seemed like too much effort for too little reward. The need to make dried up.

What a sentence! What a scary feeling, for an artist. I couldn't help but wonder: what if it doesn't come back?

Just lately, maybe in the last two weeks, the feeling has started to lift. I was able to start the stair project, which would have required an unthinkable degree of initiative in October. I have a bunch of refires that I need to clear from the studio, so I haven't been doing much throwing, but I do feel the desire to do so returning. And you may have noticed that I am blogging more.

Usually when I make resolutions, they are about working more, trying harder, doing better. See where that got me! The burnout period was scary enough that this year I want to take steps to prevent it happening again. So this year my resolutions are about self-care:

• Give myself permission to enjoy my downtime. My pattern has been to feel guilty whenever I am not doing something productive, so my head never really gets downtime. Making is not a moral imperative. It's not wrong to relax. 
• Budget for enjoyable things. The last few years I have been focusing hard on paying down credit card debt. I'm proud of the progress I've made, but I made it by basically sending every spare penny to my credit cards. No money to grab a burger at our local pub, no money for new clothes, no money for home improvement projects that aren't absolutely necessary. You can see how this can lead to the feeling that work is pointless! While it is satisfying to see those credit card balances shrink, it's a pretty deep hole I am trying to fill, and I need to enjoy the fruits of my labor, too.  
• Limit my consumption of news and social media. This is a big one: while I believe we as citizens have a duty to stay informed, I don't need to know every foolish thing that a foolish person tweets. I find it's best to stick to the more staid information sources, those with a long history of accurate reporting: NPR, the Wall Street Journal, Reuters, The Washington Post, the New York Times. I am no good to anyone stuck in  a cycle of outrage and despair. 
• Quit worrying so much if my efforts are good enough. One of the reasons I have not blogged as much is, as I started to gain a greater readership, I started to self-censor. That's boring. That's self-absorbed. That's too much like something I did a few years ago. It was almost like stage fright. But the heck with it - people don't have to read it, If it gets boring, they'll just skip it. And I won't even know, because I will have turned off my stat counter! Ditto my class lessons: I make Herculean efforts to make he lessons interesting, but sometimes they are going to fall flat anyway, and that's okay. Not everything has to be fabulous. Sometimes good enough is good enough. 

I will, of course, need to set business goals in order to right the ship. It's on the list, but first I need to right my head.

Meet the New Year...

The Week of Reflection this year (or, wait: last year) took the form of elbow grease, as I labored to transform my front hall stairs from ugly to fabulous. I'm going to take a moment to reflect now, but only a moment, because the fun part of the stair project begins today: putting on the final colors.

I join the rest of the world in rejoicing that the shitshow that was 2016 is over, but let's not kid ourselves: in the public sphere, at least, 2017 will be all about managing the aftermath. We will have a president who refuses to believe US intelligence agencies when he doesn't like what they have to say; we will still be the country where literal Nazis, giving, literally, Nazi salutes, held a convention at the Ronald Wilson Reagan Federal building. (Whatever you - or I - may have thought of Reagan as president, he was a patriot, and no Nazi.) Swastikas painted on synagogues, children being taunted in school for Hispanic ancestry. The world has gone mad, our nation is bitterly cleft, and the ugliness of humanity has been empowered.

But what's a potter to do? I am living my life on parallel tracks: on the one hand, I feel like our American democracy is at peril, a fear which demands my attention and action....on the other hand, the cats still need to be fed, the kiln shelves still need to be scraped, those mugs will need handles before they get too dry. Everything has changed, and nothing.

So, I live. I mix glazes, scoop litterboxes, I tend my garden. (Figuratively, of course: it's January, in Maine. The garden is one thing that does not need tending.) In between I call my senators, and volunteer for organizations that may protect those who will be hit harder by the coming storm than I will. And I hope that in passions outside of the public sphere - like, say, clay - we can find common ground.

I do have New Year's Resolutions, because I love New Year's Resolutions! But my staircase is calling, so these will have to wait. Until then, I found this lovely clip of music scientifically designed to release stress. Enjoy, and have a lovely New Year's Day.

Bless you all.

 

A Project for the New Year: House Numbers

Ugly, right? 

I've been meaning to make numerals for my address for a while. I still have the crappy hardware store numbers that came with the house when I bought it. There is no excuse for this, since this is such a quick and easy project! Finally, I am getting a round tuit, a thing I have been needing for a while.

Here's my slab, all rolled out. I like a rolling pin for this; I find it compresses better than either a slab roller or the toss & stretch method. (I am going to type variations on the word "compress" a tedious number of times, but it can't be said often enough: if you are making flat things, compression is key to avoid warping and cracking.) I roll on both sides, flipping often, in several different directions, because why? Congregation calls back: "COMPRESSION!"

Can I get a witness?

I especially like those big, heavy, solid maple rolling pins, but that is partly aesthetic. I love a good tool. But I digress. 

Once the slab is rolled to about 3/16ths of an inch, it's time for more compression! A flexible metal rib is best at this wet stage. Both sides, several directions. 

I used food coloring to paint out the numerals. 

Just for the pretty, I decided to texture my numbers with this roller I got from MKM tools. I make most of my own rollers, out of clay, but MKM has some nice ones. They are also just lovely little objects, so sometimes I can't resist. Again, beautiful tools make me happy. 

I place another bat on top of the slab while it is drying to a leather hard stage. My studio is quite cool overnight - low 50s - so it isn't necessary to cover it with plastic, but if yours is a more usual indoor temperature, you probably should drop a sheet of plastic loosely over top. The weight of the second bat, and the absorbency - do not use plastic bats for this! - will help prevent warping. 

If I need to turn the slab over, I do so by holding both bats like a sandwich and flipping the slab between the bats. 

Once the slab is early leatherhard, it's time to - you guessed it! - compress some more. Flip (using the bat-sandwich method) and compress the smooth side. A very bendy rubber rib is best at this point. I like those red gummy ones, I forget the manufacturer - Mudtools, maybe?

It's time to flip the bat sandwich again, then remove the top bat and cut the numbers.

Remove the slab from around the numerals, not the other way around. 

The edges will need extra attention - I run a fingertip over them to smooth and compress. Now: STEP AWAY FROM THE CLAY.

These will want to dry slowly with plastic loosely over top. 

Once they are firm enough that I can move them without bending them, but not yet brittle (a fairly narrow window, with thin items) I will want to make holes in them for the screws. I know, I know - thanks, Captain Obvious! - but I have been known to forget this step. 

I slide the numeral to the edge of the bat, so I can drill the hole while still allowing most of the piece to be supported. A drill bit makes the tidiest hole, but a fettling knife will work in a pinch. 

Now there's nothing left but the drying: again, slowly, lightly covered. On drywall, if possible; if not, a sheet of newspaper helps to wick away moisture from the underside, so the top doesn't dry faster and cause curling or warping. 

Now that these are in progress, I can't wait to replace the ugly old ones. It's a mystery to me why I waited so long to do this!

Getting on with the Business of WInter

I am known as something of a holiday curmudgeon. This is not an entirely unfair characterization: New Year's Eve is Everyone is Having Fun Except You Night; Valentine's is Prove You Love Me Day. Independence Day is loud, and the people who most need a day off usually have to work Labor Day. Thanksgiving is okay as long as there are no TVs nearby - parades and football bore the arse right off me. See what I mean? Curmudgeon, right?

So when I choose to be alone on Christmas Day, the assumption is more curmudgeonry. (I just made up that word. Do you like it?) Though it's true I don't like to participate in the cultural frenzy associated with Christmas, my solitude is not sulking. I take advantage of the day the world stops as a moment of quiet contemplation.

My contemplation may take a different form than most; work is my meditation. I do projects, ones I have been wanting to do at least all year. This year I have three in mind, though obviously will not get these all done in one day. Or even week. One is small, one is big, one is...only bigger, because it is more daunting.

• Small: Ceramic numbers, for my house. This is easy, it just takes getting around to it. 
• Bigger: Refinish my front hall stairs. This is a ton of work but nothing new to learn: I already know how to scrape and sand and paint. Every day for more than ten years I have looked at theses stairs wishing they looked better but despite my finest efforts of waiting them out and looking at staircases on Pinterest, they have refused to refinish themselves. 

  

  A start

• Biggest: A mosaic for my entry hall. This is not a thing I have ever done before, although I have some ideas on how to approach it. The design I can handle; the ceramics are old hat; but the installation - that's where I will be challenged. 

Though all appears cold and dead, the real business of winter is renewal. It's time to be getting on with it. 

Dream it, Plan it, Bless it with Sweat

As someone once said, a goal without a plan is just a wish. Further to that, a plan not followed by work is nothing at all; might as well be mouse farts. I am a fine goal-setter, and an even better planner, but sometimes I fall down when it comes to doing the work. So this is my motto for 2016:

Dream it, plan it, bless it with sweat.

It might seem corny to have a motto, but I have sometimes found that it serves as a touchstone for when you come to a decision point. My personal favorite, one that I come back to again and again, is: how hard can it be? It reminds me that I am good at figuring stuff out on the fly, and encourages me to start projects even if I don't know exactly what I am doing. Which is a good thing, because if I waited until I knew what I was doing I'd never start anything.

So there it is, all my New Year's resolutions in a nutshell: dream it, plan it, bless it with sweat.

Also, eat more fruit.

Minor Reflections

Y'all know I love the week between Christmas and New Year's. It feel like a time out of time, a chance to catch your breath. I have taken to calling it the Week of Reflection, and I use it to consider the events of the past year, and how I hope the New Year will be different, or the same.

This year, though, I don't have a lot to reflect about. I plan to continue the pots-by-the-pound pricing, because that's working, so why mess with it? My revised time distribution has me spending the majority of my time on my two highest priority tasks: making pots, and seeking accounts which can support higher prices. I am still selling pretty much everything I can make, and while I am doing far better than past years, I'm still struggling by most people's standards. So I need to either A) make more stuff or B) get more money for the stuff I make. I've made a lot of progress, so I think the plan for 2016 is to stay the course.

Looming large in the road ahead, of course, is NCECA, and my process-room demo! Funnily enough, that will be a bunch of time spent that is neither making pots or seeking accounts. Don't care, doing it anyway.

I am also opening an Etsy shop for my soaps & other body products. I don't make quite enough of them to sell wholesale or consignment, but I make more than I can use, or sell within my circle of acquaintances. I haven't loved Etsy in the past (well, I have loved shopping Etsy! Just not being an Etsy seller) but I think soap will be a little different; it's not like each bar needs its own listing. I can create a single listing for each variety and they just keep renewing it when I make a new batch.

I've been meaning, also, to create a quarterly e-newsletter, to reach former customers and students, remind them I exist every once in a while. Maybe 2016 will be the year that happens.

I do want to work on discipline in the coming year. I'm not entirely sure how to address it, though...in the past I haven't stuck well to strict schedules. I'm open to suggestions! Anybody else have a problem getting themselves into the studio as much as they need to be? How did you address it?

I have a firing coming up in the January 8th; once that's done I can repopulate the online Pottery Shop. I sold much of the inventory, and it needed refreshing anyway.